This Is It

30 days from today (quick Knot check...yep) I'll be married.

I was out on a job survey yesterday for City Hall Norfolk. There was this very nice older lady there who somehow found out I was getting married.

"You know? Thirty years and he's still my best friend."

Of all the horror stories We both have heard of older couples pretty much falling apart, it's good to hear one of those every now and then.

I feel like it's game time. You can prepare for only so long (believe me...we have) before it's finally time to get in there and just do it!

Some helpful advice we have received...

•  Communicate- Even when you don't want to/it's difficult. Do not assume your spouse does/should just "know" what you are thinking.

• Love sacrificially- The more you pore yourself out for your spouse, the better.

• Let others in- Contrary to a pretty scary common belief, marriage doesn't mean you hang up your other friendships. Maintain outside relationships. Falsely believing your spouse is all you need in life is essentially placing them as God in your life....That never works in the long run. 

• The importance of accountability- Invite an older wiser couple into your lives to ask how things are going and suggest what can be approved.

• Heat of conflict- If the only goal of your argument is to be right, you've already lost. Couples who have eachother's best interest at heart will MOST of the time (not always) be open to the opposing side's point of view.

•  Don't stop trying- Keep doing the things that won your spouse over before you were married. These things are still necessary.

• Don't try and copy another couple- God created you two uniquely and individually. 

There's A LOT more but these are some good one's I thought apply well to most people. Not to mention the individual guy/gal advice...really, God has (as always) hooked us up with His wisdom to avoid the pitfalls that our sinful human nature naturally draws us towards.

This will be my last post before our marriage. I have been  forbidden requested to not tweet/facebook/blog/email/messenger pigeon the world about our honeymoon until afterward :) I couldn't be more excited...Thank's to God for hooking me up with this awesome woman!!!!!

Dishes

So I am really enjoying the system of chores we are beginning to setup at the future Coleman household.

To start, I HATE cooking...hate. To me, it is possibly the worst of all household duties. I'm not sure why I feel this way about this particular task. Cooking is to me what satellite internet is to it's consumers. Frustrating and pointless.

God knew this when he hooked me up with Jen. She loves to cook....with a passion. The things she creates will make your mouth wish it had two tongues to taste with....It's that good.

The system we have worked out now is that She will cook, and I will do the dishes. I love this system! I've done dishes growing up, and at my first job. No stranger to the task. A reoccurring thought-theme that has been grabbing my attention lately during this process is...well, the actual process itself. I don't know if you regularly, or ever, washed a dish in your life but there's a clear set of priorities when doing so...

The inside of a dish HAS to be clean. Sure, the outside does too, but if you had to choose between cleaning the outside of a dish and cleaning the inside you would clearly pick the inside to be clean. It's used over the outside of a dish and thus...more important. Special attention and more effort is used (atleast for me anyway) when cleaning an inside of a dish then the outside.

It makes me think of how much I focus on what I want others to see in my life. At times I am overly focused on the impression I want perceived...Consciously and purposefully saying (and subtly implying an impression I want others to think) phrases, words, and quotes I know will be received a certain way. It's surprisingly easy and addictive. All in the guise of caring about reputation even.

While I feel it is important as a Christ-follower to have a reputation of love for others, It's all to easy to clean the outside of my dish very well. While what's truly important (godly character, godly wisdom, my view of priorities) remains unclean. I did not invent this concept...

Matthew 23:25-26
Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.


This entire chapter warns of hypocrisy. Christ is especially upset with those who represent God to those who do not know Him.

I feel God cares little of what I present to others, and very much with what is the overflow of my heart. That is what He pays special attention to. Who I am as a character shows through what I do, and will ultimately be what is on the outside...If that makes sense.

He also actually starts working on the inside first. It is said God changes from the inside out and I believe it! I am ridiculously thankful for the years God has convicted me to change a particular thought-process or habit in order to improve my character. What I see avoided more and more among my peers is the willingness to subject one's self to discomfort with the understanding that it ultimately leads to a result for the better. (guilty.) I suppose it's human nature to put too much emphasis on the process of refinement then the result of it. A star combatant of this is the example of this god-like refinement in God's word, and in God's people.

Foolishness

What do you consider to be wise, or foolish?

I find it fascinating what God has to say on the subject...

Proverbs 13:10
Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

1 Corinthians 2:10
These are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.



I have been thinking lately of how blessed I am to even comprehend what God is saying to me in His word and through His people. I have noticed how not everyone has this gift. Simple biblical principals, when given in an everyday advice context, seem almost like a foreign language in today's culture. I then ask myself what can I do to make God's word more applicable/appealing to those around me without compromising it. I believe this answer is three-fold....


1. Clarify exactly what God's word says (a lot of wrong assumptions exist about it)
2. Show the results of its changing power in my own life.
3. Don't hide the fact the the bible does in fact challenge you to change for the better. 



Ultimately though, it's always a person's own choice to accept this freely given wisdom that God offers. That's what it always comes back to, a choice made. It's not like He just randomly chooses people, and said people just happen to understand the bible.(the process is so much more in depth then that) God's word is either foolishness or wisdom...which do you think and (pretty important--->) why?

More often then not my own pride will hinder me from this wisdom that God says is worth more then everything I own. More then rubies and gold. But just like 1 Corinthians 2:10 states, it has to be given by Him.


It makes me stop and thank God. Thank Him for the fact that the process for receiving wisdom is similar to the process of receiving salvation. Ask humbly and in reverence, and it is freely given. Even if I don't always apply it to my life...

PRE-Marriage Counseling

Me and Jen have been attending pre-marriage counseling. To be honest, I was fairly nervous for the first session. I had this fixation in my mind that if I don't have the entirety of Ephesians 5:22-33 memorized, We would be shut down faster then the 757 after someone thought they smelled some snow somewhere.

As with most things I have done for Christ, it initially took some stepping out in faith. Getting out of that comfort bubble of familiarity with the confidence that God's got this, and He has never left me disappointed in this regard...ever.

Our situation is somewhat unique- we have our college pastor John McGowan from Mclean Bible Church marrying us. We are both really excited that he is able to do it, and it means a lot to the both of us. We would not be where we are today if not for his very insightful preaching on the scripture.

One of our pastors Rob Shepherd of Waters Edge Church is supplying the in person marriage counseling. This guy is like a bible ninja...and not a lame ninja like Galford from the Samurai Showdown series, more like an awesome ninja that my sister Christina drew specifically for this blog...refer to pics below.

Lame Ninja

Awesome Ninja

Thankfully, the nervousness has gone away. We both believe that marriage is not something you just walk into and figure out as you go along. It's so much more serious then that. SO many problems can be avoided with advice from those that have been there before. Not only that, but God is all about preventing as many foreseeable problems as possible. Not to say there won't be trouble, but why not try and prevent unnecessary problems, and live out a marriage of blessing to both yourselves and those around you.

Thoughts or advise on marriage?

Christian Myths

It seems to me that alot of people I talk to have a predetermined idea of who a christian is....IE:

Christians are always happy-Not necesarily. Infact, I would argue that a person wholeheartedly pursuing Christ is generally unhappier then a person partying their life away. I use that term loosely though, because there is a certain joy (which out-sustains happiness) that only God can give. The bible says multiple times that life given to God is not easy, but the reward He gives you (in this world and the next) is worth it 10x over. The evidence of this in my life so far compels me to believe it. Evidence that He would freely demonstrate to others given half the chance.


Christians are offended easily- This probably depends on the person. Most Christians I know are actually slow to anger (as the bible calls them to be) and choose what to be offended by wisely. People make fun of the bible, God, the Cross, just about anything else Christ related you can think of. I tend not to get offended over these things because honestly, my energy is better spent elsewhere then fruitless squabbles.

Christians love celibacy-FALSE. I can say from personal experience that more often then not I would rather wrestle a tag-team duo of a ridiculously well trained, sword-wielding orangutans then wrestle with the desire to have sex with my future wife. But like so many other things in life, God calls us to this because A. She is God's and not mine...thus He sets the rules. B. By following this guideline it glorifies Him, and C. It it better for me in the long run. (not to mention countless studies done on couples having sex in and outside of marriage) Why would I put myself through this when it is more common now days to not? Because my God is one who gives abundantly, and He says sex is more abundant in marriage.

Christians follow God's laws primarily to make themselves look better to man-Mmm...Unfortunately some do. But these "Christians" are fairly easy to pick out of the crowd. It is not hard after a few conversations to see where one's priorities lie. It's so important to me to be honest with people who don't know Christ. To give the overall impression that yes, I am a Christ follower and I also make mistakes. This is how I became a Christian. By seeing someone who loved Christ with all their heart, and yet still made mistakes in life.

You need to have your act together before coming to Christ- Also a no. Infact, a gigantic huge no. The tiniest bit of research into Christ's ministry would reveal that He not only never demanded this of anybody to accept His gift, but actually preferred and sought out the really messed up people. This is no different today. He made me...He knows what I'm about and desires a relationship with me right were I stand. This one hung me up for the longest time...

Christians hate Science-systematic knowledge of the physical or material world gained through observation and experimentation. <----Dictionary definition

This is hilariously redundant. Science is our OBSERVATION of the world around us. Of God's creation! This observation can and has been flawed. (unless our earth actually is square and everything revolves around it) I refuse to believe we as people (given our track record) have it all figured out in the realm of science. If anything, our observations point to the Creator's breathtaking design. But hey, I'm no scientist...





I think alot of it comes back around to what people think we are representing. Our lives as Christ followers demand a higher standard of living. Why would anyone want to believe what we did if we were no different? It's our job to portray a joy in our life that they have never seen before...and have them question it. (which is not hard to do really...I seem to have made it sound obligatory)

BUT

The disconnect comes when people think we are representing ourselves, and that there is no outside element affecting our life. I think people just assume "Oh, that's just who he is." When in fact, no....it's not just who I am. Who I am is inherently selfish, backstabbing, mean, self-centered, and self-glorifying. It takes an outside party to change...there is no stronger force of that then God.

Emergency Broadcast: Past

Generally, I have my blogs somewhat planned before writing. There will be some stuff in them that is currently going on in my life, but also things that have happened to me that I want to write about.

Every once in awhile however, something will happen in life that demands an alteration to my current writing plans. Something I feel I must write about right then and there...thus begins my new series; Emergency Broadcast.

I once heard that there are two types of people in the world: those that are fascinated at what happened, and those that are fascinated at what is to come. I think I am the latter. Constantly looking ahead and not overly concerned with what has happened in my life other then what could be learned from my mistakes. My past is not something that comes up a whole lot in conversations because quite honestly, I am ashamed of most of it.

That being said Friday night at Olive Garden we sat at the bar because no seats were available. Mine and Jen's bartender was none other then a huge reminder of who I once was. Now, this was not a bad thing by any means and I was excited to see her. Not to mention very surprised....I honestly thought I would never see this person again in my life. (a list of people that is dwindling)

All through dinner I couldn't help but think back to my days before Christ. Who I was, what has happened, the story is amazing. Anytime I run into anybody from this particular time in my life, I very badly want to tell them how I have changed, what God has done, where I am now in life...but of course, the middle of an Olive Garden shift is probably not the most appropriate time. (I settled for a bad joke about how much less I was being yelled at by cops)(<---wow that sounds bad....)

She gave me the number to my former best friend and informed me that he looked for me on facebook. I'm excited to share whats been going on in my life with him and hear what he has been up to. She seemed to be doing much better as well, which was encouraging....Don't think she liked working there though.

It was strange being served a Corona by a giant slap-in-the-face reminder of who you once were. Strange, but exciting to reflect on who I am now, and what God has done to me through His word and other people. She probably should have slapped me in the face after the tip I left her. I feel bad, it was not on purpose though!...The service was great. I just suck at math...Enter: Tip Calculator.

Chances are I won't get the chance to really catch up with her. But that night was spent thanking God for everything He used to make me realize that living for Him was worth more then anything this world could offer me.

Influences-Family

Returning to my influence series of posts with another very big one...family.

Some are much more family oriented then others, but all are shaped by their family. Especially in the younger years.

I love my family; they are amazing. I can easily say I would not be a Christ follower today if it weren't for my mom, dad, and two older brothers. It is easy to see in my parents parenting styles the type of love Christ has for his children. I understand how foreign of a concept (that is, the type of love God displays) this is to a lot of people, but it never has been in my life thanks to my family.

How has your family influenced you? Alot of people do not have the best of stories concerning this topic, but I do believe every family (immediate or otherwise) has given you some sort of positive encouragement. And chances are, if your entire world were to fall around you, they would support you to the best of their abilities.

I also think a family is easy to take for granted and not be thankful for. But the fact of the matter is, a family is a group of people that no matter the circumstances you should be always thankful for. If I were to stop and think of all that my (and every for that matter) family has sacrificed without me giving anything in return, that statistic would be daunting. Thankfulness would be the only response one could have I would imagine.

God's views of a family are very heavily child-based. That is to say, He is very concerned with how we will raise our family and gives us much instruction on how to do so...

Deuteronomy 4:9-10
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.

Provers 3:1-4
My son, forget not my teaching, keep in mind my commands; For many days, and years of life, and peace, will they bring you. Let not kindness and fidelity leave you; bind them around your neck; Then will you win favor and good esteem before God and man.

Psalm 133:1
How good and pleasant it is
when God’s people live together in unity!

God is both clear and passionate about how we are to raise children. I have heard it said many times that a child is kind of like a blank canvas that is molded and shaped into who he/she will be as an adult, and how much harder it is to change who you are as one! My children will love God; don't have many doubts of that. And I will take cue's from what I have learned from my family in the process!